An Unfortunately Blue Lamp

Humans are indeed odd creatures. They are the only creatures in existence capable of showing hatred towards inanimate objects as well as a love for collecting as many as possible to occupy their time.

This human in particular was having a staring contest with a lamp. It was a blue lamp with a vase shaped base and a very wonky lampshade that had decided to be a magnolia colour.  The lamp was not actually aware of why it was being stared at by this human but it had decided to stare back which resulted in the current match. The lamp had decided to be fair to the human as it had the unfair advantage of not having eyes that required blinking every so often and so the human was permitted to do so as long as it didn't look away or fall asleep. If this new rule had not been put in place then the lamp would have won the competition over three hundred and twenty six times.


The human however was not aware it was in a staring match. It was only aware that there was a lamp with a wonky lampshade sitting on the coffee table, unplugged and not fulfilling what the human believed to be its intended purpose. You see humans also have another odd trait that makes them think that everything they say or do is the right way to do it and so in this human's opinion if the lamp was not doing what a lamp should do then it was not a useful lamp. The lamp on the other hand had decided that the human was not a useful human if all it did was stare at a blue lamp. In fact the lamp had decided it was going to give up being a lamp and become a philosopher on humanity. This dream was short lived as the human deciding it could no longer take the blue lamp sitting there and promptly threw it out of the flat window.


As the lamp fell it decided that maybe it should be an airplane pilot instead before it met a rather blunt end and the ground. If most people have not contemplated this before, the ground is not a particularly nice being to meet as it spends most of its day being walked all over, and so when someone like the flying blue lamp decides to meet it, the ground reacts rather violently.


...........


The question remains as to why the unfortunate blue lamp with its very wonky magnolia lampshade was thrown from a flat window. More specifically flat G 9 belonging to a human named Alex. Alex was given this name because their parents had decided it was a fairly simple name whilst also being slightly cool. For some reason humanity has a fascination with putting X's, Y's and Z's in the names of things to make them sound cool. The rest of life and inanimate life itself will never understand this appeal of the last few letters in the alphabet making things sound like a temperature lacking in heat but a unanimous agreement was made amongst the other non human beings that they are simply insane and should be allowed to believe whatever strange illogical facts they wished.

This might be the answer as to why Alex threw a lamp with dreams of being a philosopher and then an airplane pilot from their window but this is just one of the theories. Ironically the lamp did actually become part of the philosophical world and the reason for why it met is untimely end and the ground in one moment is often up for discussion amongst philosophy students. The common arguments are that it happened because Alex is insane, because the lamp was blue and had a wonky magnolia lampshade or simply because Alex was so angry that they had lost so many staring matches with the lamp.


None of these statements makes sense or are actually true as Alex has shown no signs of insanity in the past also Alex liked how the colours of the lamp complimented each other and had considered fixing the lampshade before abruptly lobbing it out the window and finally Alex had no idea that they had lost any staring contest because as far as humanity is concerned inanimate objects do not have any thoughts of their own, a concern that most other beings on the planet disagreed with.